Cast of Characters

For my few readers, the people around me:

The famdamily:

Flannel Jammies, aka Bosstopus, aka Mom. A lovely woman I admire, with whom I am fortunate enough to have a good relationship, and who occasionally makes me nuts.

Plaid Jammies, aka Dad. A gruff, bearded guy who is trying his best to be a curmudgeon, but still cries at "The Nutcracker." Frequently exasperating, and we butt heads a lot, but he's still my dad, and he does lovely dad things for me.

Middle liddle brother, aka Jeeves. Father of two, worker's comp attorney, possessor of a dry and biting wit and examplar of the Jammies' family self-deprecation technique.

Anabel, aka Mrs. Jeeves. A lovely, intelligent, thoughtful, empathetic woman who nonetheless married my irritating brother. I love spending time with her, and am thrilled, although puzzled, that she was willing to become part of my family.

The Awesome Nacho. Ten year old son of Jeeves and Anabel. Smart, cute, piano-playing black belt who is currently reading a very large non-fiction non-picture book about the battles of WWII, and thinks Justin Bieber is "a wuss."

SuperDoughnut. Seven year old son of Jeeves and Anabel. Smart, cute, piano-playing, drum-learning, stubborn and cuddly kid who loves music and has come a long way since his diagnosis of PDD at the age of three and a half.

Liddle liddle brother, aka Captain Crossword. Looks sort of like Jonathan Frakes, but handsomer. Makes beer for a living, is amazingly intelligent, sweet and funny.

Bookworm Mathgeek, married to Captain Crossword. Very smart, loving woman who shares my interest in books and bath products, and was also insane enough to marry into my family. Poor her, lucky us.

Princess Mathgeek and Princess Minnie. Four year old and twenty month old daughters of Captain Crossword and Bookworm Mathgeek. The most adorable, lovable, smart and amazing nieces in the world.

Local friends:

Amy and Josh. My dogsitter and lawn guy, respectively. Amy is an amazing friend who has been there for me through thick and thin. Josh is growing on me, provided he doesn't talk about killing things.

Doc. My oldest friend. We've known each other since second grade, and while our lives have diverged quite a bit, we can end a conversation in July and pick it up in December without a single dropped stitch.

Vegan Lawyer. The other attorney who shares the office with Bosstopus. Very intelligent, very passionate, a little dogmatic. She's a very giving person, but she tends to be judgmental and not particularly forgiving. Has three sons and a daughter, The Crown Princess, who is youngest and nice but incredibly spoiled.

Goldilocks. Secretary to Vegan Lawyer. Single, lives at home with a very quiet mother and a father who (at least reading between the lines) differs very little from the infamous Fred Phelps. Quiet, rather passive-agressive, but sweet and has become a teeny bit more outspoken in the time I've known her.

Snoopy. Vegan Lawyer's law clerk. Incredibly nosy, divorced and I can see why. No sense of boundaries whatsoever, but very book-smart. Acceptable in small doses, but drives Goldilocks crazy.

Long-distance friends:

KellyGirl. Living with the charming Snickers and their adorable dog, a rescue who shares a name with one of my guys. A baby lawyer, from the platinum blonde hair to the ruby-red lipstick to the perfectly round boobs, she looks like the quintessential California girl. Then she opens her mouth or starts typing, and blows you away with her intelligence, passion and compassion.

Snickers. IT geek, very quiet, very sweet. I don't know him well, but I'm impressed with his brains and his caring for the lovely KellyGirl.

Zayrina. Gorgeous stacked blonde in a nurse outfit who has put up with me since 2001 when I was a total internet newb. Actually slept on her couch so my dog and I could sleep in her bed when I visited her. Intelligent, brave, bossy, outspoken and honest. Has a marshmallow heart, but it's armored. Also has a gift for funny writing and needs to update her blog, damnit.

Mallie. Big giant heart, beautiful long hair, smart sexy geek girl, writer extraordinaire and so good with pets Littlefoot almost hid in her suitcase. Tactful but honest, open but not embarrassing, and someone I adore. Married to:

Scarecrow, aka Jay. Handsome sexy man who has gotten into the habit of hiding his big brain. Frequently stuns me with his insights, and fills out his new jeans quite nicely.

The World's Best Heather. Canadian, which means she has a good toilet, smart, pretty, tiny, blonde, and so sweet you can't hate her for any of the above.

Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia, aka Her Maj. Fellow MS'er and one of the funniest and most rawly honest bloggers out there.

Becs. My almost-twin. Loves autumn, adores cats, writes like a pro, wrestles with corporate silliness and knows what depression can do and fights through it anyway. Also has a weakness for bath products.

The Evil Alpaca, aka the Booty Llama. Surprisingly cuddly and thoughtful for a demonic camelid bent on world domination. Also a good writer, funny and a good friend.

Captain Spaulding, with too many akas to list. Baseball and hockey fan from Eerie, PA. A great guy even if he does like giant mutant felt animals (sports mascots).

kogijiki, aka MegaKogiMonster. A beautiful, talented potter with a huge, giving heart, a twisted sense of humor that complements mine, and fatal weaknesses for perfume and bath products.

Lisabella, aka Yisabeyya. A fellow otter-lover who actually has access to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, a fellow bath product addict who has her stash listed, and a thoughtful and loving friend.

Rogue, whose smart ass is amazingly funny, and who is one of the most supportive people I know. Very cute for someone who bears a striking resemblance to Marty Feldman.

Mickey Mouse, aka Mousie. Loves anything scented with Pink Sugar, and is as sweet as her favorite fragrance. Supportive beyond belief, and always there for her friends.

MaryMargrt. Incredibly giving, dryly funny, has her own team of trained walrii in kilts.

Fiery Lioness, aka Lioness. Brave enough to work retail without Kevlar, BPAL addict, charming, articulate, and shares my geekitude with regard to Pratchett & Lackey.

The Romantic Heretic, aka Rob. A published author of erotica, a charming Canadian with an old-fashioned courtesy and charm seen all too rarely nowadays.

Impressive, aka Imp. A smart, sexy, honest and charming writer who also gives the best girl-kisses anywhere.

Rosy Cheeks, aka SnidelyBabyMama. A schoolteacher with a heart bigger than her pregnant belly will be next May, thoughtful as can be. A lover of bath products and amusement parks.

My Ninjaz:

Mamacat. Sweet, beautiful, talented mother of two, with a caring spirit and a knack for making art both permanent and evanescent.

Tempete. My scent-sister, a bright shining star who shares my love for certain BPAL blends, my frustration with sloppy authors, and who utterly eclipses me in the brains department.

Clever_Girl. A shy person who is beautiful both inside and out, her intelligence is only outdone by her generosity.

Katestamps. The Voice of Reason, a practical, good-smelling knitter who appreciates shoes, cheesy novels, and black currant scents.

Yvaine. Absolutely fearless, incredibly intelligent and amazingly lovely, this young woman has done more with her short time on the planet than others have done with twice or thrice the years.

Vampkat. A tiny, talented henna artist and dedicated Goth.

Queenie, aka Tramp. An indomitable spirit who has faced a ton of trials and come through them with class, grace, a really wicked cane and a hatred of squirrels that rivals my own.

Owls. Funny, funny, funny. She's also intelligent, direct, deep, cute, and incisive, but what strikes you first off is her sense of humor.

Tarak. Bright, loving, smart and with a well-developed sense of the absurd (with her kids, she needs it!).

Clowder. Generous, warm-hearted, brave and witty.

Girlygirl, aka GG. Strong, caring, talented in so very many ways.

The folks at Hyphenated Corp.

Maresche. My fellow Lush addict who let me know there was a job opening. Smart as a whip, recently promoted, mama to an adorable little girl and married to a cute geek who's doing NaNo.

Khover Taegent. Knitter, interested in vintage clothing, books and bath products.

Wilson. My cubicle neighbor, a scarily smart man who's been with the company forever, has a nurturing streak a mile wide, is a great tutor and quick to kill cubicle-invading spiders.

The Little Mermaid. Andersen's mermaid in her non-speaking phase. Miles of curly blonde hair, extreme competence at the job, preternaturally quiet, has a little girl and two cats, and much in love with her husband. A fan of '80s metal and nostalgic about the clothing. If you can get her talking, she's wicked and cynical and fun.

Otis' dogmama. The co-worker who was hired before me but started afterwards. Exhaustingly young, energetic and smart, but cute as a button as she starts out her "grownup life" living with her fiance and their Italian Greyhound mix, Otis.

MegaBookMan. Very smart, but prone to forgetting that other people have a learning curve, which is odd because he's also an English teacher.

TC. My team coordinator and direct report. Very approachable and easy to work with, provided her team is honest with her.

SoccerMom. One of our attorney editors, with a five-year old daughter who is just getting into soccer. Very experienced, quick to help out a co-worker, smart as hell.

Vintage Attorney. Lots of fun to work with and never shy with praise or help. Loves vintage everything, dogs (both her own and others') and is someone I can call friend.

Enigman. Attorney editor, pleasant, easy to work with, very dry and sarcastic sense of humor, does not reveal much about himself.

Hoosier Lawyer? Bouncy, fun, charming attorney editor who hides a wicked sense of humor behind an innocent grin.

Blondezilla. Bossy administrative assistant with as much sense of 'place' as a Dickens character.

Baklavette. The department head. Stick-thin because eating takes time away from work, nice but terrifying, makes great baklava and brings it to all of the department get-togethers.

Last but far from least, my dogs:

Bigfoot. Shepherd/Malamute mix, January 1990-May 11, 2009. He was my heart-dog, the one I loved since he was an awkward five-month old puppy, all legs and ears. He was stubborn, headstrong, much too smart for his own good and very expensive, but also loving and sweet.

Littlefoot. Chow/Golden?/Shepherd Mix. Almost thirteen, but aging gracefully, my eternal puppy, all bounce and petmepetme. Not smart, but a complete cuddlemonster and as adorable as a teddybear.

Little Miss, aka Underfoot. Shepherd/Lab/Who Knows? mix. Tiny compared to dogs I've always had (between 45-50 pounds), but extremely smart and energetic. Also very loving and charming, despite some bad habits I'm trying to train out of her.