Friday, June 29, 2007


Some disjointed thoughts and stories:

I drove up Saturday and arrived about 1 p.m. My middle brother and his family were there, and I got to give George his belated birthday present, a Spiderman swim mask and flippers. He promptly wore them around the house and declared the flippers difficult to walk in. Youngest brother and his family were picked up from the airport and delivered to the house in time for dinner. After dinner, we went for a long golf cart ride and visited the big park. On the way from where we parked the cart to the park, I was pleased and flattered when a little hand slipped into mine and I discovered Princess Mathgeek wanted her Aunt Jammies to keep her safe.

We stayed at the park until they kicked us out because it was past nine. None of us even realized it was so late as it stays light so long these days. Princess Mathgeek was playing in the sandbox and didn't want to put her shoes back on, so I made her a deal that if she wore her shoes for the walk back to the golf cart, she could take them off for the ride home. When we got to the house, I asked if she wanted to put her shoes on and walk in, or if she wanted me to carry her. She chose the latter, and I picked her up, then turned around to talk to Mom for a minute. After a few sentences, there was a big sigh and "We're not moving" from the princess, so I took her into the house.

On Sunday, my aunt and two of my cousins came for the afternoon. The morning was spent getting a whole lot of food ready, and amusing the kidlets. As the cousins and their families arrived, Dad ferried folks down to the park in two golf cart loads, and then went back to the house to commune with his inner curmudgeon. My cousin Mel's two and a half year old is in a toe-to-hip cast as a result of a trampoline accident at day care, and she is amazingly good and patient for an immobilized kidlet of that age. We had food, fun, water balloons, squirt gun fights, bubbles, drama, biting, golf cart rides and lots of talking.

Monday was a laid-back day, at least for me. I got to spend some time with everyone, and just enjoyed the perfect weather. My only regret is that I didn't get any shopping done while I was up there. On the evening golf cart ride, four and a half year old Alabaster said, out of the blue, "Auntie Jammies, I think you are very pretty." Made my day. :) I had to leave Tuesday morning, so Mom read and signed the papers I'd brought with me for her to sign and I took them back to the office. When I got there, I discovered one lone Cheerio stuck between the hospice release and the Motion for Summary Judgment. *grin*

I was supposed to drive back this afternoon and be there for the big fancy family dinner at Mon Ami winery. Unfortunately, I had a migraine last night and got about three hours worth of sleep. I decided I didn't want to drive two hours when I wasn't sure I would stay awake the whole time, so I am staying at home with my rotten tail-chewing dog. I put Tabasco sauce on the sock that I put over his tail, and he's gotten it off twice and engaged in some mild licking, but is mostly leaving it alone except when he's really really bored.

A note to Scott--I thought of you when I realized that the Pre-Historic Forest I've seen every year for the last five years has a mystery hill. Our mystery hill is clearly better than yours because yours doesn't have dinosaurs, so there. :p

Fortunately, Captain Crossword, Bookworm Mathgeek and the girls will be back in Ohio in three weeks, and I will see them then, no matter what I have to do to fit myself into their schedule for that weekend. I do feel old realizing that my baby brother has his 20th high school reunion this year. :o

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Damn dumb dog

There are many wonderful stories to tell of my long weekend at the lake, but right now, they are obscured by the fact that Stubby had his bandage removed, and promptly started chewing the stub of his tail until it bled, despite the fact that he left everything alone until just this moment.

The two things that make it worse:

A. He was in Mom's car when he did this (I think I have all the blood out of the back seat upholstery).

B. Dr. Bob talked to me exactly the way he used to when I worked for him, as if I were not quite bright enough to do things to his standards but he expected me to try.

My hands itch. :-(

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Mom, me, and exploding tomato products.

The first time Mom & I had a problem was Christmas Eve, 1998. She and Dad were joining the ex and me for Christmas Eve dinner. Since I was extremely strapped for cash, Mom gave me a number of the ingredients needed for the meal, including two cans of tomato paste for the tortilla soup. I spent the whole day cleaning, then set up the card table in the media room and set it for four. I put out the butter dish with the last stick of butter and the salt and pepper, carefully closed the door and went to shower and change. While I was getting dressed, the ex was taking his shower, and apparently not listening when I told him the door had to stay shut. He went into the media room to get something, left the door open, and then was surprised when one of the dogs knocked the butter dish off the table and ate the butter.

He, of course, professed both innocence and ignorance when I came downstairs with my festive dress on and my hair and makeup done. I told him to get dressed and then go out and get more butter. Cruel witch that I am, I sent him out into an Ohio December evening with wet hair (sadly, he did not catch pneumonia and die). While he was gone, I started the preparations for dinner, and while I was occupied, the butter thief, filled with remorse, stepped silently up behind me and returned the butter, and then slunk away. I never did find out which dog it was.

After I'd cleaned up the mess on the kitchen floor, I got out the soup pot and started the tortilla soup. The chicken stock went into the pot with no problems, as did the little can of tomatoes and peppers. Unfortunately, when I put the can opener to the first can of tomato paste and pressed down, the contents exploded straight into my face. I had tomato paste in my hair, on my face, and all over the bodice of my dress. Welcome to Carrie's Christmas.

After I'd used a kitchen towel on the worst of the mess, I put the second can of tomato paste in the sink, aimed it away from me, and tried opening it. Another explosion.

I called Mom, got hysterical on the phone with her, and she calmed me down and promised to bring two more cans of tomato paste with her and make the soup herself. I washed my face, rinsed out my hair, took off my dress and rinsed the top, then put it in the dryer. When Mom and Dad arrived, I was damp but presentable, and Jim had returned with the butter. Mom made the tortilla soup, and we wound up having a very nice Christmas Eve dinner.

This past Thursday, as I was driving to work after dropping Bigfoot the Stupid Conehead off at the vet's, my car started making horrible noises. I asked Mom if I could borrow a car to get to Lakeside this weekend, and she said I could use hers. In order not to be driving back and forth unnecessarily, she asked that I do the grocery shopping on my way home, then she would take me to get the idiot fuzzy and I would drop her and the groceries at her house. On the grocery list were two cans of tomato juice and two bottles of Bloody Mary mix. I got all the groceries, let Littlefoot out and back in, fed him his dinner, and when Mom arrived, we started transferring groceries from my car to hers.

As I had my back to Mom, I heard a crash and felt droplets spatter my ankle. I turned around, and she was holding the handles of a bag, and there were two smashed bottles of Bloody Mary mix on the driveway. Apparently, the cashier hadn't bothered to double-bag the bottles, had put them in the same bag, and added a can of soup. By the time Mom and I had cleaned up the mess and gotten most of the glass out of the driveway, we were really close to not getting to the vet hospital on time. I called from my cell and had Missy put the charges on my debit card, and we just barely got Bigfoot out in time for the vet staff to close for the night.

From now on, I am going to make sure that Mom and I are never in close proximity to processed tomato products while we are together. I believe that for some reason, the universe will allow me and tomatoes, Mom and tomatoes, but never all three together without a catastrophe.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Content rating

Sherri hooked me up with the blog rater.

What's My Blog Rated? From Mingle2 - Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating

Sex (2) Suicide (1)

Apparently dog gross stuff is acceptable.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Adventures of Stubby

Yup, Dr. Bob took two inches off my heart dog's tail, and he's home safe, sound and sulking. The white-wrapped stub looks pathetic, sticking out of the end of Bigfoot's plumy tail, and he's doing his very best impression of a miserable dog rug, flat on the floor. Because of the slightly elevated liver values, he's got antioxidants to take in addition to the antibiotics & pain meds. Tomorrow he will day-board at the vet's, then Amy will be here Friday to stay with him and I will be here Friday night. Starting Saturday morning, Amy will be with him 24/7 and she'll take him in on Monday for a bandage change.

I'm not sure how the interview went--it lasted for 40 minutes, which I hope is good, and they said I'll know in ten days to two weeks. The If Bunny hasn't left quite yet.

I woke up at 4 a.m. with hives and a migraine, probably from stress, so getting up at 5:40 tomorrow will probably seem like sleeping in.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Jammies the Depressing

Ack. Sincere apologies to all of the beloved friends who have listened to me whining tonight. In the spirit of I Can Has Cheezburger?, I made a loldog:

Yes, Bigfoot still hates my guts. No, he hasn't left his stoopid tail alone for a single minute. Yes, his surgery is going to be expensive.

My mom said she'd loan me the money against my state tax refund, though, and my darling Amy is going to be with the brat 24/7 over the weekend while I go to the lake. I had a long hot shower and got all squeaky-clean, and the only thing really wrong in my little world is my heart dog hating me. *sigh* Maybe he'll be over it by next Tuesday when I come home.

Thanks to everyone for listening.

Oh, and my job interview is at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow--wish me luck!

Monday, June 18, 2007

My poor old man

Despite everything I have tried in the last ten days, he has not quit chewing on his tail. He'll probably have to have at least part of it amputated this week. :-(

Edited to add:

The ruin of the tail is horrible-looking, the E-collar hasn't kept him from chewing, and the surgery is scheduled for Wednesday.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Real Girl Power

In the last six months, I've heard a lot of debate about whether the PussyCat Dolls and the Suicide Girls are empowering, and I still haven't made up my mind. I do know that Saving Jane has some of the best lyrics out there, along with some damn fine music.

My idea of real "Girl Power" :

"One Girl Revolution"

Raise your hand if you don’t care
What those platinum girls wear
Raise your hand if you’re just here
To have a good time

Raise your hand if your lipstick
Doesn’t make you a dumb chick
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips don’t compare
To the shape of your mind

You don’t even stand a chance
I’m not taking off my pants

I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution
I thought I told ya, I’m a soldier
And I ain’t leavin’ til the battle’s over
One girl revolution.

Raise your hand if you’re smart, girls
More than pushups and pearls
Let em stare at our pictures, baby
While we take over the world

Raise your hand if you’re not another carbon copy
Wannabe like everybody else
Raise up your hand if you got something more to say

I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion
I thought I told ya, I’m a soldier
And I ain’t leavin’ til the party’s over
One girl revolution.

What are we sellin?
Our brains or our belly buttons?
What are you buyin?
Don’t you know that they’re lying?
What are you cryin about, don’t just sit there and wait
While they’re selling us out!

You don’t even stand a chance
I’m not taking off my pants

I’m here to start a one girl revolution
I’m not the Girl Next Door anymore, baby I’m an institution
I thought I told ya, don’t wanna know ya
Pack your bags baby cause this army’s takin’ over
I’m here to start a one girl revolution

I’m the kinda chick that leaves you cryin’ for your mother
Keep on lookin if your lookin for a cookie cutter
I’m here to start a revolution

Spoken: No thanks, I can loosen up my own buttons.

©2007 Tosha Music


My hair's a wreck
Mascara runs
My feet get dirty and my skin burns in the sun

My lips, they bleed
But I still sing my songs
Takes me a minute to admit it when I'm wrong

Pretty is as pretty does, but pretty's not my thing...

This is what you get
This is who I am
Take me now or leave me
Any way you can
Sometimes I trip and fall
But I know where I stand
And if you're thinking about changing my direction...
Don't mess with Imperfection.

My back is weak
But my will is true
Got good intentions but I never follow through
I say too much
Don't know when to leave
In case you're looking that's my heart there on my sleeve

Ego trips and stupid slipups, I'm a mess but..


Scratched and bruised, a little used,
But baby, I work fine.
You might call me damaged goods,
But I'm one of a kind.

My hair's a wreck
Mascara runs
No, I'm not perfect, but I'm not the only one...


Friday, June 15, 2007

The If Bunny Grows

For an admirable explanation of what an If Bunny is, see Sherri's comment.

My own particular If Bunny is the possibility of a job as a publishing assistant. Back when I went to the Lushie meet-up, Maresche said that she works for a firm which does law books, and I half-jokingly asked her to let me know if there were any openings. Less than a week later, she e-mailed me and told me they were hiring. I put in an application on June 8th, and yesterday I went to their Cleveland office for a number of tests. I must have passed, because when I got home tonight, there was a message on my answering machine to call them Monday to set up an interview.

I'm excited but very nervous.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

It's not cardio, but it still counts...

Making 208 copies is not a big deal. Making 208 copies in small batches and then not losing track of which exhibits you've copied and then re-arranging them in the four stacks needed for a hearing while you're running back and forth from the copier to the conference room to the telephone to the boss' desk is good exercise, even if it doesn't get your heart rate up. I swear I can feel it in my calves.

And of course, the point is not to give the administrative assistant her exercise, but for Bosstopus to be able to say whatever the legalese equivalent of "Oh yeah? See here! And so's yer mama!" when opposing counsel comes in with all guns blazing over the things his client has alleged about our client. HA!

Monday, June 11, 2007


A big IfBunny just landed on me. I'll probably be running around chasing my tail for a few weeks...

Friday, June 08, 2007

Spring Snobservations

While standing in line at the Grand Opening of Lush Beachwood and eavesdropping:

Thought 1 about the lady in front of me:

Beeyotch, you can't pass yourself off as an expert Lushie if you keep saying things like "The Olive Vine" and "Witchy Muscles."

Thought 2 about the lady in front of me:

Oh, good gods, you're SORRY they disconned Red Rooster? You need to be forced to wear a muzzle lest you share your views any further. And you should probably be sterilized immediately for the good of humanity.

Thought about the SA helping me:

Oh dear. She's so sweet and helpful, and they're all working flat-out as hard as they can but eeeeeek she needs a Tic-Tac, stat.

Thought about the young woman stomping out of the mall:

Yes, there's a line. It's a small store and they advertised the Grand Opening. They also said it was going to start at 5 p.m. and there was a line at 5:15 when I got here. If you stay in line, you get a Lush cookie and a limited edition Grand Opening ballistic, just for waiting in line. If you spend $45, you get a goodie bag.

However, if you stand in line for a few minutes, find that the line isn't moving fast enough for you and storm out like a dinosaur on steroids exclaiming at the top of your lungs about how ridiculous it is to wait in line and how you're only ordering online and how you're never setting foot in the store blah blah blah, not only do you not get any of the freebies, nor do you get to snuggle your Lush from the minute you get it, but you also set yourself up to pay shipping fees and you made people watching you sad, because nobody would take a line that personally and make that big a fuss if there weren't something else terribly wrong in their life. I almost followed you and gave you my goodie bag, I felt so awful for you.

Thoughts while driving:

To the dude on the motorcycle:

Tuck your damn t-shirt in when you're going to be doing 60 mph. It's orange, it's flapping like a flag in a hurricane, and nobody wants to see that much flabby white flesh.

To the cute blonde chick in the cute little Toyota:

That really is a cute little car--why did you have to put the decal on the back window that is supposed to make us think someone threw a soccer ball at your car and it broke the window and got stuck halfway through? It's dumb and it ruins the car.

Final thought:

Do I hoard my LE ballistic like the treasure that it is? Perhaps sleep on it the way a dragon does gold? Or do I use it and see if it has the magical $100 gift card inside? Or do I start a poll on the Lush forum to see what I should do with it?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Sulky puppy

There's some semi-gross dog information contained in this post, so two of my five readers may wish to simply look at the pretty garden pictures and then exit without reading the text.

Bigfoot is having his annual springtime allergy attack (not to be confused with his annual autumn allergy attack, which is identical but occurs at a different time of year). He's very itchy, and last night, he managed to chew his tail until the tip was positively flowing with blood. I scrubbed the bald raw spot down with Nolvasan, spritzed on a bit of Cortaid, called the vet for an appointment for a steroid shot, and stuck an ankle sock on Bigfoot's tail and put a ponytail holder over that to hold the sock in place.

His temporary new hobby is taking the sock off, then coming to lean on me to see if I still love him despite the fact that I am mistreating him. Once I find the sock and put it back on, he pads off to lie down and sigh heavily to indicate how miserable, humiliated and unloved he is.

Just wait until I clean out his ears later.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Auntie Social

This has been an unusually social weekend for me, and I'm actually glad it rained enough to prevent Josh & Amy from coming over to do the lawn.

Saturday morning started with some last-minute cleaning and then a shower before MaryMargrt from the Lush message board got here. We talked and traded sniffables for a while (she brought me the sweetest basket full of discontinued Lush, new Lush not available here yet and stuff from other etailers) then headed over to her parents' house, where there was some more talking, and a lot of petting of the two German Shepards (who are utterly adorable). After that, we went up to Beachwood to the brand-new Cleveland Lush store, YAAAAAY!

I managed to stay pretty close to my budget. It helped that I won a bubble bar and a bath bomb for answering two trivia questions correctly, and that there were goodie bags and free ballistics for those who spent over $40. I got a Fresh-Faced starter kit for combination skin, three French Kisses, a Golden Slumbers and a free Sugar Rush ballistic. The store had samples of the discontinued items to sniff, but I'm going to have to sniff some of the stuff over again when I go to the Grand Opening on Thursday night, as my nose burned out halfway through and I couldn't smell anything from any of the shower gels. I am definitely going to order lots of Ice Hotel and Flowertub bubble bars, if nothing else.

While we were there, we met KellyGirl, Carla, Maresche, Meabh and HeyLookAMidget from the board, and when everyone had done their shopping, everyone except Carla headed over to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. Everybody is exactly like their forum personalities, only moreso, which is a very good thing. MaryMargret is thoughtful, sweet and open; Midgie looks exactly like her avatar, and is a sweet and funny girl with a secret addiction to carnival food; KellyGirl is a smart & sassy blonde with an engaging smile and an infectious laugh, Maresche is the perfect advertisement for Lush henna and a charming lunch companion and Meabh started out shy but warmed up and started getting silly with us pretty quickly. Midgie brought out a giant enabler's bag and passed it around twice, saying she didn't want to take anything home, and we talked and joked and it was as if we were meeting for the zillionth time rather than the first. MaryMargrt has to go back to NJ, but I think the rest of us will be there for the Grand Opening.

This morning, MaryMargrt came over for a bit and we made her custom strawberry Wet Willy and yakked about everything under the sun while it hardened. Sunday morning is usually my cleaning time, so it was a real treat to have the cleaning already done and just be able to sit around and chat. However, I have to admit that this weekend was a lot more in-person contact than I usually have, and so I was rather glad to be alone when she left at noon. So if I owe you a phone call or a Yahoo chat, please forgive me for hiding a little bit longer to recharge my sociability batteries.

Some pics from yesterday's meetup:

Back row, left to right: Me, MaryMargrt, KellyGirl, Maresche
Front row, left to right: Meabh, HeyLookAMidget