Things I have learned in the past week

1.  It really sucks when you have a black eye and an allergy attack which makes your eyes itch.

2.   I stink at typing with a cold pack held to one eye.

3.   There is a line between "summer casual" and "escaped from the ER before they got the restraints on you" and some people are not afraid to cross it and then come to court.

4.  Our local hospital chain thinks prohibiting any personal expression in hair color or tattoos is unprofessional, yet dressing medical staff in all black is professional and so is making fun of Walmart shoppers.

5.  My new-ish co-worker loves makeup as much or more than I do, but she's not a big fan of horror novels.

6.  Hoicking boxes filled with books around the living room two days after a major fall is Not A Good Idea.

7.  I am not a complete loser when it comes to nail art.

SRK is not nearly as fun as MFK*

But I still need to make a dent in the drifts of paper claiming all the flat surfaces in my house, so I sit here quietly, sorting everything into piles of Shred, Recycle or Keep.

Growing up is severely over-rated.

*MFK

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

...is what one of my co-workers said when I announced that I thought that Little Miss was possessed.

Well, no, I don't really truly deep-down believe it, but she's been showing a couple of weird Littlefoot behaviors over the past few days, like raiding the stash of cotton balls and chewing them up before spitting them out on the living room floor, and licking the kitchen floor.

Oh well, at least she wasn't possessed by Bigfoot, and therefore able to open the refrigerator door!

His name is Edgar, and he is not a Stupid Useless Vehicle

He's a station wagon on steroids. :-D

Busy day

Since today was the only day in all of July & August Mom & I could work together, I was at her house and working on accountings at 8 a.m.  I also took my laundry, because my dryer has had it, and the eggs and coconut to make macaroons.  Mom & I worked steadily until 11, then I took a break to bake.  Unfortunately, Mom was out of sugar, so I had to run up to the grocery store, but I still got 4 dozen macaroons done in time for a late lunch.  Then I went back to my computer and got the forms done for her to take in and file tomorrow.  Then I ran out of energy, loaded up the car and came home and took a nap.

The macaroons are for a Probate Court tradition--each person brings treats for everyone else on his or her birthday.  It's certainly practical, because no one person gets stuck repeatedly baking cakes or cookies or buying bagels.  Mom says it's just like hobbits giving presents to others.  Since the judge is allergic to wheat, macaroons are perfect.  Any vegans in the office can just suck it, however. :P

My dryer is 47 years old, and despite a nagging feeling of disloyalty, my sheets were so hot when I took them out last week that I finally decided to bite the bullet and just replace it.  It's had at least two new motors, several full clean-outs, and two years ago, Dad removed the drum and re-painted the inside.  So it's time.  I got a no-frills dryer from Lowe's, and they're going to call me about delivery.

Both of my brothers called to wish me a happy birthday, and that just put the cap on my day.  Now I'm going to go take a cool shower and read the book Mom loaned me.

Why I'm not spending a dime today

Although it may seem that way to some people, Black Friday hasn't been around forever. The phrase was actually coined in my lifetime, and the whole retail circus really only began within the last 20 years. I remember when the day after Thanksgiving was a quiet, lazy day spent with family.

In my family, Thanksgiving is a non-materialistic holiday, meant for cherishing our blessings and especially each other. It is wrong for Target and other retailers to take that away from their employees and it is wrong for customers to fall in line with the materialistic greed that motivates such actions.

As a nation, we have gotten what we need mixed up with what we want, and we will go to any lengths to get it. I refuse to contribute in any way to the craziness, and will not spend a single cent, either online or offline today.

I've been told that's just a drop in the bucket, but at least I'm being true to what I believe.

The National Weather Service synthesized voice

simply cannot manage to say 'Cuyahoga Falls' in a manner that comes close to sounding human. Nonetheless, I have managed to accustom myself to the sounds that mean the name of my city when tornados are involved, and at about 7:40 tonight, I put my bra and work clothes back on, grabbed my cell phone, the charger, my charm bracelet, Gramma's charm bracelet, the BPAL and the dog and headed for the basement.

On top of a day when I'd been in pain from a ripped-off toenail, balanced three accountings and found out that one of our clients has metastized lung cancer, a tornado warning was almost the last thing I needed. The very last thing I needed was to be in the basement during a tornado warning with a dog having diarrhea from stress or eating who knows what while she was outside earlier. Aargh.

Oh, yes, and when I got upstairs, I discovered the garage had flooded, because yesterday's high winds had brought down a shedload of maple keys and the rain had washed them all on top of the driveway drain, blocking it. I'm sure I have some unspecified ick in my toenails from wading in the overflow to clear the drain.

Anyway, I'm fine, Mom and Dad are fine, the dog appears to be empty, and Yahoo describes the tornados as 'weak' so hopefully nobody I care about is hurt or homeless tonight.

WTF is wrong with me?

First I burst into tears when I see a big, black-and-white, Shepherd-y mix hanging his head out of a car window and having fun.

Next, I get teary when Jonathan gets auf'd from Project Runway.

Then the conjoined Barbies at water-walking make me furiously angry.

And now, I'm all ticked that Gail Carriger's latest book ends with a freaking cliffhanger. I hate cliffhangers, but I shouldn't be quite this irritated.

So WTF is with all the overemotional reactions lately? It can't be hormones, I don't have hormones anymore.

Aaaargh!

Color me weird

but I just can't allow my clothing to be uncoordinated. Last night, I wore a grey satin nightgown to bed. This morning, I put my red sleestak from Mallie over it and pulled on some red socks. I had to go down to the basement to start the laundry, and I couldn't make myself put on purple or blue or green slippers. I had to spend five minutes looking under the bed and in the closet for my red slippers. Then, when I got as dressed as I ever do on a day when I'm not leaving the house, I had on dark purple sweatpants and a light purple fleece top, so I had to change my socks and my slippers.

It's just a Jammies thing.

It's what I didn't say...

(song title from Saving Jane)

aka Medical Snobservations

When the dermatologist had me sign a waiver saying I knew there would be a scar and I wouldn't sue because of it, I thought but didn't say, "Well, there goes the Playboy shoot."

When he said, "No heavy bending, stretching, or lifting," I thought but didn't say, "Damn, and the new pole was just installed!"

I mentioned last November that I'd seen kind of an odd license plate. Today, I saw one that said IN2BATE. The owners thereof just have to be related.

Monday was 5 hours of neuropsych testing with a one-hour "break" for lunch, during which time I did the 344 question MMPI questionaire. Apparently, there isn't a website anywhere which will tell you what "Raymond Kertecz" and "archery and stamp collecting" mean. Irritating. They probably still won't tell me when I get my results on March 5th.

One small victory for English majors, though. One of the questions on the verbal general knowledge quiz was "Who wrote Faust?"

My answer?

"Well, it started out as a German folktale, then Christopher Marlowe wrote a play, Goethe wrote a novel (I was wrong about that, he wrote a play as well) and someone did an opera.

Perhaps I can't remember to send an e-mail to Codes when I need to, but I can bygolly remember all kinds of useless stuff!

Okay, the troll thing

Yes, I have referred to myself as "photographing like a troll."

Yes, I sometimes would like to be a troll and hide under my bridge and let the world go by (an occasional tribute of gold would be nice, but no goats, please).

No, this does not mean I go around thinking of myself as ugly and made of stone. It means that I know that I am not photogenic. I can look in the mirror and think I look nice, or good, or some days, even pretty, and then that's not what the camera sees. To me, it is a fact of life. It's also genetic. My paternal grandmother was a bubbly, giggly, loving person who was a flapper in her youth and in her sixties liked to sprawl on the sofa and watch football while keeping her granddaughter from tickling her feet. In all but one picture we have of her, she looks cold and forgiving, and the two trenches on either side of her mouth don't seem to come from smiling as much as she did.

So to some extent, when I use the words "troll" or "trollish" about how I come across on film (or digital media, whichever), I am identifying myself with a woman I'd have loved to get to know as an adult and who left a marvelous legacy.

And I'm also acknowledging my own tendency to retreat from time to time.

That said, apparently the words offend or upset some of my friends, so I shall make a conscious effort not to use them.

Restless

I'm still struggling with my book and my deadline, but tonight I can't seem to focus on any one thing. If I start to read, I get bored within ten pages. If I'm on the Lush forum, I'm bored within half a thread. I don't even know what kind of bath I want.

Aaargh.

I've never thought of myself that way!

Yesterday afternoon, I loaded all of my Home Depot purchases onto one of those big flatbed carts they have and headed up to the register. The cashier asked me, in a tone of surprise, if I had loaded everything in by myself. When I said yes, she asked why I hadn't asked for help (ummm, because I didn't think to!). The only time I have asked for help was the last time I bought topsoil at Ace Hardware, and then only because I stopped on my way to a dinner engagement and I didn't want to get dirty.

I got a similar reaction every time I bought a carload of mulch and helped load it and when I turn down help loading the fifty-pound bag of dog food I buy every month. I keep getting comments about how strong I must be. My internal response is that it's really not all that awesome to be able to heave things around for a short time--"strong" is the people who load all this crap I buy onto and off of trucks, etc.

It makes me wonder if it is my appearance (short, fat, elderly) which makes people surprised about my ability to carry things. Or is it that Americans in general have gotten in the habit of having others do things for us? Perhaps it falls somewhere in between, but I feel a little weird being admired for something that really isn't all that special, although I will cherish the comment the Home Depot cashier made on my way out.

"I sure wouldn't want to mess with you!"

*snort*

I'll admit it--sometimes I am five

From 8:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m., I was a responsible adult. I paid my bills, did my job, drove safely, had yogurt for breakfast, etc.

But when I left work, I went and spent my "allowance" on retaining bricks, limestone gravel, marble chips and potting soil. Then I picked up a soft, slimmer, tangle-free, sweet-scented and very adorable Littlefoot at the groomer's (bless his dumb little heart, he tried to walk out through the picture window).

After dinner, I went out and spread the limestone gravel in the soggy spot in my back flowerbed, then covered it over with the last four bags of mulch. I got four tomatos planted and about 2/3 of the stones on top of the first layer of the round bed in the front yard.

Then the thunderstorm started.

Instead of going inside, I kept potting and playing out in the rain. I splashed around in puddles in the driveway, cleared the driveway drain about three times, sang to myself and had a great time. When I came in, I was utterly drenched and filthy, and while I did towel off most of the dirt and wash my arms, my bath is going to feel amazing tonight. And yes, my inner five year old will be happy with bubbles and glitter!

I haz a zombie!

He is custom made from socks I sent Erin. You should go look at him and then buy a different zombie from her!

Oh, and Erin gave me a high-water mark in my life. I mean, how often does someone say to you, "Yours [zombie] is done, Jammies, I'm just waiting for his blood to dry"?

Thank you, Zayrina

for giving me the phrase "I have a tumor on my greed gland." That's what I tell myself every time I go bananas at the nursery. I did, in fact, stick to my list, yay me, and came in $12 under budget. However, the burgundy sweet potato vines I wanted aren't ready yet and neither are the butterfly bushes and I need two more helichrysum. I also succumbed to two gorgeous Martha Washington geraniums, which was dumb because I have geraniums older than my nephew and taller than I am! Now I have two more that I'll have to bring in and make space for next fall.

It's also a very chilly, very rainy spring day here, the house is a pit, and I've got a screaming sinus pressure/tension/low blood sugar headache. I've divested my car of my morning's purchases, eaten some yogurt, and I'm about to go take a midday bath with a ton of lavender bubble bath and see if a nap will kill the headache.

I got:

Two each Beacon Silver lamium with pink, white or purple flowers
The aforementioned geraniums
Twelve Munstead lavender
Six basil
Two each Big Boy and Beefmaster tomatos
Ten bags hardwood mulch
One helichrysum
One licorice plant
One delphinium
One blue balloonflower

and I totally forgot to get any ibuprofen!

Things you didn't know you needed, but you do!

First of all, everyone needs a Sock Zombie. They're undead and cuddly--what more could you ask for? You should also go read the blog belonging to Erin, the maker of these undead cuddly cuties.

Everyone needs a Squishable. A foot & a quarter diameter stuffed frog, pig, cow, tiger, sheep, puppy--how have you lived this long without one?

And finally, everyone needs to go read "The Perfect Scent" by Chandler Burr.

What are you waiting for? GO!

Garden update

Some more of the obsessiveness Sherri thinks is cute, i.e. a list of where everything in my garden is right now.

Daffodils: Most are at half-height, some have reached full height and three have bloomed.
White grape hyacinths: Sprouted and budding.
Crocuses: Done blooming.
Purple grape hyacinths: Sprouted.
Lilacs: All have baby leaves.
White pussy willow: Catkins. Yay!
Pink pussy willow: Teeny-tiny leaf buds.
Mock orange: Too early to tell, I hope.
Clematis: New growth on all of them.
Lamium: Teeny leaves, but hopefully in good shape now that I've removed the cover of dead leaves.
Chives: Sprouted, growing vigorously.
Tulips: No sign of them, probably eaten by deer or bunnies.
Dusty Miller: Signs of new growth on about half, this is a victory because these are annuals from last year.
Irises: Apparently didn't make it. :(
Bluebells: Sprouted, some budding.
Hyacinths: Two sprouted & budding, one didn't make it.
Blue columbines: Two sprouted, one didn't make it.
Sweet woodruff: No sign of it, hopefully just because it's early.
Hibiscus & hydrangeas: Hopefully it's just too early for them to be awake.
Campanula: Appears to be growing, but is also a magnet for deer & bunnies, so who knows?
Weeds: Too damn many already.
Butterfly bushes: One didn't make it, the other five are doing well.
Viburnum: Doesn't look alive, but again, might be the earliness.

I'll revisit this list in a month and see how everything is doing. I am trying not to get my hopes up with some of the plants, as we did have a couple of truly vicious spells last winter. I've definitely lost my little Korean lilac. :(

On the other hand, I will be able to fill my house with daffodils soon!

CRS Syndrome

I was yakking with Mallie, looking at macros on I Has a Hotdog and playing "Duelling Banjos" on Bigfoot's side, which I do whenever he comes and leans on me. I thought of something I should write about here, opened up the "Create New Post" window, and promptly forgot whatever it was. Yup, I'm getting old.

So instead of whatever it was I was going to write about, I'm reduced to sharing snippets.

I thought of Scott when I got a Spam e-mail titled "The quicker pecker-upper" (a play on a paper towel tagline).

I'm currently reading "The Perfect Scent" by Chandler Burr and enjoying the heck out of it. I just finished "21 Dog Years", and I'm wondering when the subtitle changed from "Doing Time @ Amazon.com" to "A Cube-Dweller's Tale."

Lush's Olive Branch is the perfect smoky orange scent and I wish they made everything in this--I would buy it and walk around smelling like this all day.

Today I had my annual OB/Gyn checkup, and Hot Doctor was cute and funny and charming as always. One funny moment--as I was checking in and going over insurance stuff, the UPS guy arrived, and when asked for the name on the package, looked at it very quickly and said "Dr. Bits." *snerk*

My MS Walk sponsorships are up to six, even if none of you blog readers has offered. :P

Oh, and I am loving the new Lowe's commercial with the bear.

And I still can't remember what I was going to post when I opened up the window.

Nice to have a nice day at work

MegaBookMan reviewed the book I'm going to be building tomorrow, and said that there were things that needed fixed, but none of them were with the stuff I'd done, it was all older stuff from earlier editions. Then he entrusted me with his CD stuff, and I got that done. I also did the CDs for my book for this week, plus a Federal litigation book someone else is building.

The FTC had the nerve to release a new report after I'd converted the old one to TIFF files and uploaded it, so I had to re-do that part of a different book.

On my third in-progress book, I ran around in circles for a while, then asked Galahad for help on the step I was missing, and finally got the new material loaded to the server.

It was nice to have a productive day where I didn't feel stupid and overwhelmed. :)