I've never thought of myself that way!

Yesterday afternoon, I loaded all of my Home Depot purchases onto one of those big flatbed carts they have and headed up to the register. The cashier asked me, in a tone of surprise, if I had loaded everything in by myself. When I said yes, she asked why I hadn't asked for help (ummm, because I didn't think to!). The only time I have asked for help was the last time I bought topsoil at Ace Hardware, and then only because I stopped on my way to a dinner engagement and I didn't want to get dirty.

I got a similar reaction every time I bought a carload of mulch and helped load it and when I turn down help loading the fifty-pound bag of dog food I buy every month. I keep getting comments about how strong I must be. My internal response is that it's really not all that awesome to be able to heave things around for a short time--"strong" is the people who load all this crap I buy onto and off of trucks, etc.

It makes me wonder if it is my appearance (short, fat, elderly) which makes people surprised about my ability to carry things. Or is it that Americans in general have gotten in the habit of having others do things for us? Perhaps it falls somewhere in between, but I feel a little weird being admired for something that really isn't all that special, although I will cherish the comment the Home Depot cashier made on my way out.

"I sure wouldn't want to mess with you!"

*snort*

"Waiting on the World to Change"

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
there's no way we ever could
Now we see everything that's going wrong
with the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
to rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
waiting on the world to change

These lyrics to the song by John Mayer make me very sad. The song itself is quite catchy--I find myself humming or singing it throughout the day. The lyrics, though, sound defeatist and apathetic. I can't help contrasting them with the lyrics to Marvin Gaye's "What's Going On?"

CHORUS #1:
Picket lines and picket signs
Don't punish me with brutality
Talk to me, so you can see
Oh what's going on, what's going on
Yeah, what's going on, ah, what's going on
Ahhh....

Mother, mother, everybody thinks we're wrong
Ah but who are they to judge us
Simply 'cos our hair is long
Ah you know we'ver got to find a way
To bring some understanding here today

I just keep thinking that you can't wait for the world to change, you need to change it yourself, and sending out a message that it's okay just to wait is doing the world a disservice.

*sigh*

Everything I didn't need to know, I learned at Lush

The forum, specifically. I was not aware until I read a post there that as a teenager Anne Perry had been convicted of helping a friend kill the friend's mother.

I've enjoyed her books for years without knowing this. When I mentioned it to Mom, she was appalled and immediately said I should stop reading/buying Perry's books.

On the one hand, I do see her point. This person helped commit a truly horrible crime--why should she have a nice life with big fat profits? On the other hand, I'm sure that one person not buying her books is going to change her lifestyle one iota, and she has served her time and possibly is truly remorseful.

Right now, I'm re-reading my way through all of the Perry novels I have, and wondering if that will help me make up my mind.

Blech, another decision

Becs is right. Some people are Dementors. About three years ago, someone I'd been friends with for more than a decade took the last steps into Dementorhood, and I have to admit to being relieved when she moved out of state in 2005 and I could let the connection lapse.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the romantic relationship for which she relocated didn't work out, and she's back in the area. Today, she left a message on my answering machine and her phone number, and I have to decide whether or not to call her.

Where exactly does loyalty to an old friend cross the line of self-preservation?

*sigh*

I wish I knew.

Pondering

I had my psych eval today. I know I did well on the interview portion--I've done my homework, and I know what to expect both short-term and long-term. I think the doc was pretty impressed.

The part I worry about was the written questions, especially one of the True/False ones.

I have never taken advantage of another person. True False

Well, CRUMBBUNNIES. How do I answer this one? I've tried not to take advantage of others, but there are people out there who probably feel differently about me. An ex-boyfriend or three, my parents from time to time, possibly a co-worker from the past, even Amy sometimes because she gives and gives and gives and is often difficult to give back to (as in she won't let me, lol). *sigh* I opted for honesty and circled "False." Doing something inadvertently doesn't excuse you from doing it, and all I can do is try not to do it again.

There were way too many of these black & white questions, and on all of them, I erred on the side of honesty and maybe a little bit being hard on myself. But if I don't, who else is going to?