Becs is right. Some people are Dementors. About three years ago, someone I'd been friends with for more than a decade took the last steps into Dementorhood, and I have to admit to being relieved when she moved out of state in 2005 and I could let the connection lapse.
Perhaps not surprisingly, the romantic relationship for which she relocated didn't work out, and she's back in the area. Today, she left a message on my answering machine and her phone number, and I have to decide whether or not to call her.
Where exactly does loyalty to an old friend cross the line of self-preservation?
*sigh*
I wish I knew.
8 comments:
I haven't decided if I am dementor or simply demented. Probably a bit of both.
Is that why I never hear form you any more?
No, you never hear from me because you're never online when I am. :-(
Jammies - do not call her. You don't owe her anything. And I'm sure your address book is deep enough that you don't need her as backup for anything, unless you don't feel like sticking your own hot needles in your own eyes. In which case, the Dementor will gladly do it for you.
This is my vote. Do not call her back.
BTW - I think I've accidentally dementored a number of dear people out of my life. I'm sorry it happened, but I can't bring them back when they've decided to go.
I have been online every evening for the last 7 days and have yet to see you.
There's no need to get in contact with that person. I know it's hard to let someone go, but sometimes it has to be done. I wouldn't call her back.
Think of it this way - you've grown apart and it's a natural thing that happens to some relationships. You've benefited from that person's friendship in the past, but there is nothing to gain at this stage.
*hugs*
Jammies, it is usually better to let those soul sucking types go without reconnecting. While some few of them can reform and learn better ways...it's not damned likely.
I've had to learn that much as you have, to the point of actively ending friendships that have become one sided, draining, and painful. I'm doing that right now with someone I've known for over 12 years. It's just not worth the emotional wear and tear, and while I will miss the good stuff, the bad stuff is piling higher and higher and just keeps COMING. I can't do anything right, I'm a bad person, blah blah blah yet this person won't end the relationship because, apparently, I might have some blood or money left she can suck down.
Do not return the call. Not all relationships are friendships. If you worry about catching shit down the line, just remember a little mantra -- "Well, you haven't needed me up to now, and I'm not a convenience store waiting until you need something. Good luck with your life."
You and the Dementor are through, Jammies.
No need to feel guilty about it.
*HUGS*
Calling her would be detrimental to you and the LPW. ;) (hugs) I know where you live... That phone call is a great way to justify/enable her to call you and drag you back into the drama.
Accepting unacceptable behavior. It's a phrase I've coined, and those of use who are nice (we who NEVER learn) tend to do it much to our own regret.
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