Saturday, December 15, 2007

Say what?

A long time ago, a friend said to me, "You wouldn't say shit if your mouth was full of it."

Maybe so, but I certainly said it today, and quite loudly. I went and put in my time for Bosstopus, then stopped at the warehouse store (BJ's) on my way home. It's too damn close to a mall for comfort, and all of the holiday shoppers were in a festive, obnoxious, selfish mood. My nerves were fairly frayed by the time I got there, but I calmed down with the acquisition of three tins of Harmony Bay Autumn Spice coffee and all the other goodies I'd gone to get.

As I was in the checkout line unloading stuff onto the conveyor, the cashier started it up after it had been still for a minute or two. Unfortunately, it startled me when that happened. Disastrously, I had a 22 oz. jar candle in each hand, and both of them went flying. Glass shattered everywhere, I yelled "SHIT!" and everyone looked at me. Sadly, a hole in the floor failed to open, and I was forced to load the rest of my items on the once-more-paused conveyor, pay for my stuff, and do the Modified Walk of Shame to the car.

I hope Goldilocks likes her damn candles, that's all I have to say! :P


Becs said...

I think this absolutely qualifies as a moment to shout obscenities. Of course, you could have followed it up with an equally loud "F*cking Tourettes!"

Sherri said...

I'm with Becs on that. There are moments when the expletives are REQUIRED. Breaking two candles you haven't yet bought qualifies.

I have spent years learning to not only curse creatively, but curse without shame. Because I like my obscenities to sting with the bite of a whip, I often use euphemisms for other moments -- thus the very milquetoast application of "Fiddle" and "Good Gravy" in most daily situations.

And if I do fling an expressive word, I expect it to make those around me look...and tremble.