Friday, June 08, 2007

Spring Snobservations

While standing in line at the Grand Opening of Lush Beachwood and eavesdropping:

Thought 1 about the lady in front of me:

Beeyotch, you can't pass yourself off as an expert Lushie if you keep saying things like "The Olive Vine" and "Witchy Muscles."

Thought 2 about the lady in front of me:

Oh, good gods, you're SORRY they disconned Red Rooster? You need to be forced to wear a muzzle lest you share your views any further. And you should probably be sterilized immediately for the good of humanity.

Thought about the SA helping me:

Oh dear. She's so sweet and helpful, and they're all working flat-out as hard as they can but eeeeeek she needs a Tic-Tac, stat.

Thought about the young woman stomping out of the mall:

Yes, there's a line. It's a small store and they advertised the Grand Opening. They also said it was going to start at 5 p.m. and there was a line at 5:15 when I got here. If you stay in line, you get a Lush cookie and a limited edition Grand Opening ballistic, just for waiting in line. If you spend $45, you get a goodie bag.

However, if you stand in line for a few minutes, find that the line isn't moving fast enough for you and storm out like a dinosaur on steroids exclaiming at the top of your lungs about how ridiculous it is to wait in line and how you're only ordering online and how you're never setting foot in the store blah blah blah, not only do you not get any of the freebies, nor do you get to snuggle your Lush from the minute you get it, but you also set yourself up to pay shipping fees and you made people watching you sad, because nobody would take a line that personally and make that big a fuss if there weren't something else terribly wrong in their life. I almost followed you and gave you my goodie bag, I felt so awful for you.

Thoughts while driving:

To the dude on the motorcycle:

Tuck your damn t-shirt in when you're going to be doing 60 mph. It's orange, it's flapping like a flag in a hurricane, and nobody wants to see that much flabby white flesh.

To the cute blonde chick in the cute little Toyota:

That really is a cute little car--why did you have to put the decal on the back window that is supposed to make us think someone threw a soccer ball at your car and it broke the window and got stuck halfway through? It's dumb and it ruins the car.

Final thought:

Do I hoard my LE ballistic like the treasure that it is? Perhaps sleep on it the way a dragon does gold? Or do I use it and see if it has the magical $100 gift card inside? Or do I start a poll on the Lush forum to see what I should do with it?

6 comments:

KLN said...

What is LE, please?

Jammies said...

Limited Edition. Sorry. *blush*

rgraham666 said...

I think man is the most interesting insect on Earth. Don't you?

Guy question here. What is a 'ballistic'? You say ballistic to me and I think weaponry. Is a ballistic some sort of Lush weapon of mass distraction or something? ;)

Mike From Eerie said...

I wuz drivin around in Eerie somewheres and saw a box marked "Lush". Now granted da neighborhood i wuz in it could have meant "Drunk Inna Box" but somehow I iz finkin i gots people here who is bafaholics too.

Jammies said...

Rob, a bath ballistic or bath bomb is a ball (or other 3D shape) of scented, sometimes colored, bath salts, which fizzes when it hits the water and dissolves until your bath is all scented.

Mike, you're weird. :-p

Jay said...

It seems a shame that you had to endure such shining examples of humanity to obtain your little treasures... but as they say, no pain... uhm.... no pain?