A matter of taste

So yes, after at least five years of wanting to, this was the year I did this:

When the kits to turn your car into a reindeer first came out, they were at least $30 or so, and I passed.  But last Saturday I was at a local discount store and found this particular set for $3, so of course I grabbed it!

So I posted a picture on G+, and my buddy Rob commented to the effect that he thought I had better taste than to do this.*

Guess what, Rob?  I don't have better taste, I just have iron control over my terrible taste.  The louder, flashier, shinier, gaudier and more ridiculous it is, the better I like it.  But since I'm not going to get very far at work looking like a drag queen exploded in my closet, I pull back.

Way back.

And because I don't have the budget to light up a ghastly fantasy of outdoor lighting in garish colors every year, I skip it.

But the truth is that I have terrible, terrible taste, and for now, antlers on my car.

*The sister of my heart, the lovely Vio, commented that I needed a speaker which played "Gramma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" as I drove.

Bits and pieces

Dad left for the lake house this afternoon, after staying up until 5:30 a.m., sleeping until 11 a.m. and packing the car/playing on the computer/drinking coffee until 1:30 p.m.  Mom's not going up until after her pre-trial on Friday, but my aunt and uncle arrive from Colorado tomorrow, so someone's got to be there.

Dad just e-mailed Mom and me a list of all the things he forgot to bring, which he wants Mom to bring with her, and closed the e-mail with "All is well here.  Buddy looks happy."  Buddy, of course, is the new golf cart.

Little Miss Piggie Pie just belched, and her breath is so incredibly stinky that the smell of my newly-polished nails is preferable.  That was disgusting.

I have a new floor steamer, a Haan FS20, and I love it!

That's pretty much the news from 'round here.

A Jammies Family E-mail Exchange

Plaid Jammies:  I just bought a really fancy golf cart for the lake house.  It seats six!

Captain Crossword: Wow!

Jammies:  I bought a new coffeemaker for $20.

Jeeves:  SHOTGUN!

What a day!

We have one client who is so stupid it's a shame he reproduced, and he was bugging me all day, two letters from different attorneys being all judgmental and pissy about things that didn't even happen, and two wards in the hospital from different nursing homes, plus all the crap going on with my neighbor.

On the other hand, I sent four kick-ass Christmas presents to Texas, and I have another great Flannel Jammies story to tell.

When my brothers and I were growing up, Captain Crossword did the best turkey impersonation I'd ever heard or have heard since. I thought of that a few weeks ago when I was in Target and saw a hat that looked like a turkey, with legs that came down and velcroed together under the wearer's chin. I bought it, and sent it to Texas with a note for my brother.

Mom and Dad had been there for a while when I remembered to ask about the hat. I was on the phone with Dad at the time, and said, "Did Mom give CC his hat?" Dad said, "I don't know about any hat" and the promptly yelled for my mother. Mom got on the phone and when I asked her, she said "Oh yes!" and handed the phone off to my brother, who told me that everyone had tried it on, they had taken pictures, and Tinkerbell had adopted it as a pet.

So my smart, savvy father failed to notice three adults and two children taking turns wearing a hat shaped like a turkey. *chortle*

Sunday captions

I r not spoiled!



Turn light off on your way out, kthxbai.

In which Dr. Jammicus jumps to a conclusion

Jane Austen: A Life by Claire Tomalin

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Not only is this a fun, easy biography of Jane Austen, I learned many things never covered in college literature courses. I learned in depth about her family, including her sister, Cassandra, who coped with several devastating losses in her life. The author's analyses of Miss Austen's novels is good solid scholarship.



I also learned just enough about Jane's brother Henry to make a wild conclusion--I think Henry had MS. Ms. Tomalin describes Henry as a hypochondriac, noting that at various times his symptoms included "a glowing of the hands" (which sounds like neuropathy to me), faintness, assorted intestinal disorders, dizziness, all of which can be symptoms of MS. Ms. Tomalin also states that later in life, Henry suffered at least one episode in which he was ill for no known reason, and recovered from what seemed to his family to be a fatal illness. Sounds like a classic MS flare or exacerbation!



My silly theory aside, the book is an enjoyable canvas of Miss Jane Austen's life, and definitely worth reading.



View all my reviews

What on earth did her Majesty do?

Mike Campbell, guitarist of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, collapsed on stage in St. Louis this past weekend. Today, the group announced that their show here was postponed because doctors had told Mr. Campbell to take it easy.

So I want to know if it was Queen Mediocretia's overwhelming sex appeal, or if she just cursed him.

Hmmmm.

Whew, she's not stupid!

Allie of Hyperbole and a Half did an experiment with her dog, and her drawings of her dog bear a striking resemblance to Little Miss. Having seen that, I had to try the treat-under-a-cup test on Little Miss (I already know how she does on the blanket and name recognition tests). It took her about twenty minutes, but she did eventually figure out how to knock over the cup and snag the treat.

So she's not dumb, she's just ADHD.

The Great Duck Hunt of 2010

On Sunday, I hit a local craft store to return some beads I hadn't used for my ninja swappee's present, and of course I had to look at everything because I had a store credit for $3.58, plus Mom wanted some stickers to send my nieces.

In the very back of the store, there was a bin with some wild rubber duckies--they had spiky hair and were squishable like little duck stress balls. I bought one, and put it in my bag to show Mom on Monday. I also got her stickers and some yarn (yes, yet another addiction).

When I went to show Mom my Mohawksquashyduck, we discovered that if you set it down just right, it lights up! So Mom was instantly enamored of the idea of getting a pair of them for my nieces when they visit in July. Neither of us had time to go to the craft store on Monday, but I promised to go Tuesday evening after work.

Tuesday morning started with a literal bang--at 5:59, there was a huge CRACK of thunder right over the house. Almost immediately, my alarm clock added its two cents worth. Littlefoot did not want to go outside and pee in the rain, so while I was picking him up and putting him outside, Little Miss decided she needed to piddle inside. After I'd cleaned that up and fed her, then put her outside and fed Littlefoot, I was ready to go back to bed.

Alas, I had to call the vet for an appointment, because the only other time Little Miss has broken her housetraining was back when she had that UTI, and then I had to go to work. Because of the timing of the vet appointment, I couldn't go to the craft store, so Mom said she would go on her way to water aerobics.

Having braved the 5 p.m. traffic to the vet's office, where Little Miss refused to give a sample, I found that my old boss took my word, Little Miss's current behavior and some evidence of irritated skin as evidence enough of a UTI and he gave me antibiotics for her. On my way home, fighting the 5:15 traffic, Mom called in a panic from the craft store, where she couldn't find the Mohawksquashyducks! I did my best to direct her, but to no avail. I told her I'd go after water-walking and see if I could find them.

When I got to the natatorium, Mom's water aerobics class was just finishing up, so I waded over to do the stretches along with her. She whispered that she'd found the ducks by asking a sales associate--apparently, there were so few left that they were dumped in a "$2.00" bin with a bunch of other odds and ends.

So The Great Duck Hunt of 2010 ended with victory for the huntress, and hopefully happy baths for my nieces.

Ded Skwerl, a Photo Essay

For Tramp, with much love:

It started with a toy I got at Ross, a plushy dog toy with no stuffing:



I broke the "No toys with faces" rule because it was an evil squirrel, and handed it over as soon as I got unpacked:



It was received with much interest:



Followed by immediate denning under the kitchen table:



Enthusiastic chewing:







My hard heart was immune to pity:



But not to pride in my girl:



Who now wants to know what the next toy will be:

Don't eat the cheezy poofs!

Since last Thursday, there has been a big, poofy, bright orange cheese puff of unknown origin in my driveway. From Thursday through Saturday, it looked no different--no sign of decaying, no sign of nibbling by wild critters, nothing. Sunday morning, it had lost some of its bright orange-ness due to the snow we got overnight, but other than that, it's still the exact same piece of preservative-laden, artery-clogging, cheesefood-flavored styrofoam.

Perhaps I should start testing any snack foods I want to eat. If the critters won't touch it, then I shouldn't eat it.

RIP, chicken inna bikini

Today was a lovely quiet Sunday. I didn't have to go work for Mom (since I'm working for her Monday through Friday now), so I got to potter around the house and do laundry and clean the bathroom and unload and reload the dishwasher.

The sun came out and the yards front and back looked beautiful in their very big snowcoats.

Also beautiful is my nail polish--China Glaze BFF, which is a rich rose holographic color, and was even in one coat and bottle color in two. Then I added a coat of NYX Girls #227, which is clear with opalescent hearts. I think after my shower, my toes will get a very quick two coats of a matte polish, since mattes dry so quickly and it's just too cold to leave my tootsies bare for more than ten minutes!

The doggies spent their quiet day in their usual manner. Littlefoot alternated between sleeping on my bed, emptying the water bowl, and asking for pets. Little Miss went on a search-and-destroy mission when she wasn't hitting me with the Squeaky Toy of Uncanny Noises or asking for pets. When she went outside, she tried to clean the yard by eating all of the snow she could, and inside she ate any snow which came in on her paws or Littlefoot's.

For the first time ever, Little Miss deigned to notice the existence of the chicken inna bikini, which Mallie bought for Bigfoot and Littlefoot two years ago. I wish I had been faster with the camera, because one moment Little Miss was standing in front of the toy box with the chicken hanging from her mouth (photo op!) and the next, she was lying down with a headless chicken between her paws (not a photo op).

So RIP, chicken inna bikini, and if you feel the need to haunt anyone, remember it was Mallie who gave you to the dogs.

I'm not a newt any more...

I got better! Got my Lexapro, got love and reassurance from family and friends, balanced an accounting with Mom today and had a giggle this morning when my new Skindecent conditioner was still partially frozen and I couldn't use it. Clearly, bath products travelling from Saskatoon to NE Ohio via Winnipeg, North Dakota and Minnesota don't have much chance to warm up!

In which we learn that some people will stop at nothing.

Once upon a time, there was an international toe porn superstar named Spunky Labia. Spunky ruled the toe porn world with an iron foot, and thought she was secure.

Then, along came an upstart to challenge her, the beautiful, young, breathtakingly-pedicured Toesy Kerrigan.

Spunky was jealous, but in denial about her slow slide from superstardom to opening car shows.

On Monday night, as Toesy went to take a picture of her glamorous new coat of glittery green China Glaze Emerald Sparkle, a footstool leapt out from the shadows and bashed her with a thick piece of wood!

Toesy fell to the ground, crying, "Why me? Whyyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeeeeee?"

The footstool is being held for questioning, and an unnamed source says that it is related to Spunky's ex-footstool.

Toesy's people released the following photograph, not for the faint of heart:



Clearly, international toe porn is a cutthroat business!

New swear word

One of the books I did this year was new to me, and it contained a number of references to a case where the defendant was Something Mfrs. Since sometimes I am still twelve, it immediately made me think of a word often spelled with lots of asterisks.

I shared it with several of my colleagues, and we all agreed that "You manufacturer" is a pretty work-safe insult. I will add that to all of the other catchphrases our team has for things that I will miss very much about Hyphenated Co.

Pop culture fail...

I never liked Lucille Ball.

I actively hated Seinfeld.

I never made it all the way through the first Godfather movie, let alone three of them.

The Beatles bore me, ditto The Doors.

I'm not even particularly unique in my tastes, just someone with a number of dislikes.

Pop culture fail. I haz it.

The Event of the Season

Was Princess Mathgeek's tea party today. The hostess, wearing a white full-skirted dress with a pink pleated bodice and sparkly pink polish on tips and toes, greeted guests at the home of her grandmother, Flannel Jammies. There were nine young guests, ranging in age from three and a half years old to ten years old, all of whom graciously allowed their mothers, aunts, grandmothers and/or friends to accompany them. Party games were played, including musical hats and a memory game, and the guests decorated a summer visor with Foamies. There were glamour shots on the back deck, with feather boas, fancy hats, elbow-length gloves, lace shawls, fans and a large parasol. Dainty snacks were served, including lemon pound cake with fresh strawberries and blueberries, cucumber, ham, egg salad and PB&J sandwiches with the crusts cut off, heart-shaped sugar cookies, Jan Hagel cookies, watermelon, pineapple and strawberries on fancy toothpicks, mini cheesecakes with cherry toppings, vegan mini strawberry cupcakes, mixed nuts and pastel pillow mints. Each guest was given a handmade sugar cookie in the shape of a hat to take home. After the games, the snacks and the photo ops, there was a great deal of "playing guinea pig," a game which involves running around the house screaming and squeaking.

This was definitely a tres chic and tres successful event, and I pity all of the under-ten set who weren't there.

In which we taunt an International Toe Porn Superstar

Spunky hangs out here and there are pictures here and here.

As an international sock-porn-writing superstar, I felt the need to mock and then out-do Spunky's pedicure (that orange-red is so last fall).

First I tried Nfu.Oh's #65, a silver holographic:



The holo is mesmerizing close-up, but doesn't really make me smile while I'm doing my water-walking or when I'm taking a bath or wearing sandals at work, so that one only lasted about a week.

I decided that if I was going to outshine Ms. Spunky, I needed something creative, clever and cute. I remembered a conversation between two fellow BPALettes, Yvaine and Girlygirl, and decided to try what the latter called "a fruiticure." I used OPI Holy Pink Pagoda, FingerPaints Art Dealer Teal-er and China Glaze Evening Seduction.



Awesomest toenail polish I have ever had!

*Been around the world

and I, I can't find my froggie. :(

The cute little croaking froggie keychain Sherri disappeared from my keys some time between Thursday morning and Friday night, and has not been seen since. It's a cold, cruel world out there, and he will not be a happy froggie. Plus, I am not a happy Jammies without my froggie!

Mom and I did have fun Friday night at a local production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream." The daughter of a friend of hers played Hermia, and it was a really good production. The young woman playing Helena really made me think of the version of AMND that appeared in the Pibgorn strip, especially with her facial expressions. My only two snobservations were that A. The guy playing Lysander was about the last person I'd pick for any kind of love interest, and the guy playing Oberon was too pale, dark-haired and potbellied to be appearing onstage shirtless. Pleh!

Stitches come out first thing tomorrow morning, and if I didn't have a book to build, I'd be very tempted to take the day off and wallow in the bath tub. But I do, so I shall have to postpone my first celebratory bath until Monday night. If you need to talk to me, do it today or do it Tuesday. ;)


*sincere apologies to Lisa Stansfield!

Day Three

No bath.

I think I'm dying. I'm beginning to hallucinate about Kohler tubs and deliveries of mountains of free bath products.

Just ask me--I'll tell you the passwords, the secret recipes, the name of the mole, anything.

All I want is a bath...