Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Second thoughts, third thoughts, fourth thoughts...

Bigfoot hasn't been a happy dog for a while now. He's not obviously in pain, he's not crying any more than usual, he's just extra quiet and sort of resigned. I've made an appointment for Monday evening with Dr. Bob, and there's a pretty good chance that I'll decide to have my heartdog put to sleep. I still keep worrying, though, that I'm doing the wrong thing. I don't want to tie him to life if he's ready to go, but if he's not ready, then I will be killing one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And it's not as if I can change my mind when it's done. I'm so scared that I'll do the wrong thing for Bigfoot.

5 comments:

Mike from Eerie said...

I wish i could give you some good advice. I would hope your vet would be good enough to give you an honest, though possibly hard, opinion on the whole thing. Its a quality of life issue, and unfortunately Bigfoot can't say to you, "I'm tired and i'm ready to go and play ini the doggie park in the sky" or something like that.

Granted its not any easier when the ones you love who can tell you that do so.

I know you. You will make the right decision. I just wish I could be there for moral support.

I only met the Foots once. But I love both of them madly. But just like anyone else who might lose a loved one, i don't worry too much about the loved one - they will be in a better place (and its not theologically accurate, but i believe dogs go to heaven), but i worry more about the ones they leave behind.

I think i may have to go to jammiesfest this year.

Sherri said...

Come to Jammiesfest, Mike. We will save you some bacon.

Jams, darlin', it's hard making this decision, but the truth is you know Bigfoot is going to die. You are just trying to decide how and when specifically. He is a dog, after all, as much as we want to think of our dogs as people (which is kinda insulting to the dog, really. They are so much better than your average person.)

What you're afraid of is his dying without you.

Maybe Dr. Bob will give you some positive news, but really, you've had two extra years with Bigfoot compared to other dogs his size and breed. Dogs never like to give us bad news like "I'm done now, please." Especially when they know we don't want to hear it.

So, listen to what Dr. Bob has to say, and remember that you are NOT killing your dog. You are making sure he has a proper, comfortable, dignified,loved and respected end to his life.

I've had to put down several pets at this point and it always hurts, but the pets move on. I'm reasonably sure they don't see things as we do. I think their spirits just move on, ready to go, not clinging to the world like we tend to do. So remember you, too, are loved, and that Littlefoot is highly absorbent.

Jay said...

Hon,

I've had to decide to put down, and been present for the end of, several of our beloved furries. Not a single one was easy, and Wesa's was the only one that there -might- have been a chance of an alternative outcome... though we'll never know. We do know that she wasn't happy, always needy of our attention, and her epilepsy had gotten steadily worse.

Whether next monday or next year, when BFoot goes you're going to be torn up over it -- period. You will feel guilty -- period, no matter if he died naturally or was assisted on his way.

If you put him down, you will feel guilty that you killed your heartdog and may not have done the right thing. If he dies on his own, and you weren't there, you will beat yourself up for leaving him to "die alone". If get gets sick before he dies, you'll blame yourself for allowing him to suffer longer than maybe necessary for your hope he would recover. Realize that no matter what way he leaves, you will not only feel the pain of his loss but guilt over it -- period.

I know everyone is going to say that you will "do the right thing for Stormy." I'm going to be blunt: you will do the right thing for you, whether that is to hold onto him longer than was reasonable to someone else, or put him down before another person would have. You are going to suffer -- you're just having to manage the particular time/place/flavor/color/trappings of your suffering.

What ever you decide, we love and supprt you in it.

Alessia Brio said...

{{{HUGS}}} That is all.

Romantic Heretic said...

*HUGS* Jammies. There's no more I can say or do.