because all I can think of this a clip from Murphy Brown in which Candice Bergen, with the help of her castmates, sings the following song to a cigarette:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etObzeLEjDM&list=PL3067A5A3AAE31596&index=9
I have had one cigarette in the last week, and a very expensive boatload of nicotine gum and lozenges. It has made me worry about how self-destructive I am, because even when I can feel that my lungs need me to quit, I still want to smoke. I've gained seven pounds, and I know it's just a matter of keeping on, but damn, it's hard. My boss and my mom are being super-supportive on a daily basis, and I know that my friends are there for me. One pssstinking* day at a time.
*neologism courtesy of Smoke and Mirrors by Tanya Huff, a true 5-star book and one of my comfort reads.
4 comments:
You're fighting the good fight, and I'm proud of you for it.
And yes, I know. When I had to get off theophyllen, by the second week I'd have clubbed someone for a bottle of it, partially because my head hurt that much and partiually because caffiene withdrawal made me that cranky. Even now, when I know know KNOW what it does to my bipolarism, know that I'd probably drive She Who Must Not Be Named away with my antics and/or wind up in jail if I got that crazy again, I still find myself missing the godlike feeling I had when I was 'up' and writing. never mind what else I did.
I'm just lucky they don't sell the stuff at the corner store, that I detest the taste of coffee, and that NO-Doze isn't potent enough.
Thank you for understanding and supporting.
Yeah. As hellish as much of my life was on amphetamines, and as lucky as I was to finally get away from them (that was a long year), I occasionally debate using them again, finding them somehow in some version because, yeah, that endless energy, that feeling of being so smart, so quick, so capable....doesn't quite compensate for the downward slide, the sleep deprivation, the feeling of being out of control...
I know it's hard, Jammies. I know nothing I can do will really help. I know you have to fight the cravings AND the weight gain because you can't go back down that road either. You have so much you have to fight, but my life would be emptier than I could stand without you. You're still my heart sister. When it gets really tough, just remember that it's so you and I can enjoy many more years of sitting in the same room reading and petting critters.
Thank you. Just knowing you're there does help.
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